As a digital court reporter, I've encountered my share of 'software errors' in the past 4 years. Usually, it's really annoying, but sometimes, if the audio feed I'm listening to gets stopped for a minute or two for whatever reason, after the glitch has worked itself out, the voices come through trying to 'catch themselves up'. The attorneys, Judge, witnesses, or whomever was speaking, rush through my headphones with these adorable Chipmunk characteristics (if you've never heard someone say, "I object! That's hearsay!! in a chipmunk voice, you're missing out. I like to take it a step further and imagine a little chipmunk standing on the podium in glasses, a little tie, maybe a briefcase. It's the 'small things' that get me through the day.)
So....imagine...there was a glitch in my system. And now, here I go, playing catch up on my favorite moments of 2011 in my very best chipmunk voice....
8. The day Michael built a fort under my desk at work, complete with lights, cameras (of the iPad variety), and of course action. It was a 'full circle' moment, recalling days of old when I used to do the same under my Dad's desk.
9. During a Chicago getaway with Jim, we were wandering the streets of downtown when we stumbled upon a free classical concert in the the park. We pulled up a patch of grass (of the real Illinois variety), grabbed some cheap wine, and had one of the most romantic evenings to date. It seems our unplanned dates are always the best!
10. If I didn't condense them, they would take up 10 spots, so in the spirit of #10: the ten nights (and days) I spent with one Liam Edward this year!!!!!! I do love that nephew of mine.
11. Any and all nights out spent with the best friends in the world: Mandi, Samantha, Kristina, Lauren, Alec, Vanessa....some of my very favorite people!
12. A fall cub scouts camp out with Michael and Jim---there is nothing better than watching your children grow and learn!
13. A peaceful conclusion to a trying chapter in my life. Many thanks to Heiko for that.
14. A trip to NYC with one of my best friends!! Don't underestimate the stamina of 2 girls, a great pair of walking shoes, lots of layers, and 3 wide open days in the city!!
15. Gettin' Buggy--Michael's very first stage performance!!
16. And speaking of--a weekend of 'theatah'. Michael and I attended Shrek the musical at Bob Carr and James and the Giant Peach at the Orlando Repertory Theatre (a favorite spot for us). He's my little budding actor!! Or audience member...either way, appreciating the arts just like his Mama :)
17. My [future] Mother in law taught me how to make buckeyes!
18. Sunset on a plane. On our way home from a wedding in Ohio (Kyle+Sarah!) Jim and I had what felt like a front row seat to the earth's rotation....it was hauntingly beautiful from that altitude.
19. A gazillion Friday night sleepovers with Michael. He's a bed hog...but it is the best tradition EVER!
20. Jim, myself, Michael, Samantha, Kevin, and Mackenzie spent an entire day at Animal Kingdom in the rain. It literally did not stop raining once, we were totally soaked. It was soggy and messy, (and empty!) and absolutely will go down as one of the best trips to Disney ever in my book!
21. Les Miserables!!! Every time I get to see this, it will rank high on my list...(look for it AGAIN in 2012!) :-D
22-24 will be posted tomorrow, and look for a big finale on Christmas day :-) (I've promised the Chipmunks...this time it won't be late!)
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
Sweet Silver Bells
7. An epiphany.
In 2010, my seams came apart. That's a metaphor, meanies. I did gain weight in 2010, but none of my clothes actually ripped as a result (thankfully). So if 2010 was my undoing, or the residual effects of it at least (2009 wasn't pretty, either. In fact, 2006-2010 were pretty rough, it's safe to assume), 2011 was time to sew it up, not screw it up. I made a promise, for my own personal health, as well as the health of my family and friends, to un-zombify myself. I mean, I do love zombies, of all kinds. But--I was tired of feeling like one. I had too long allowed the past and my perception of it to navigate my feelings and emotions. I was tired of telling the same story to the same people. I was tired of carrying around my insecurities and anger and resentment. I wanted to air out the dirty laundry, but then I wanted to wash it and start wearing it again! I look good in trust and compassion and hope and optimism....but I hadn't been able to really wear them for a long time. And not JUST because I gained weight. I knew I was dating the man I was meant to marry, and I had a son relying on me for guidance and to be an example of what love looks like and how to show it. I owed it to both of them to figure myself out. I owed it to myself. I made the decision that my first priority in 2011 was to get a therapist...because up and until that point, nothing, not even the love and reassurance of my friends+family (which was offered in overwhelming quantities) was really helping me cope with an intensely emotionally abusive situation I had endured for over 5 years.
Therapy isn't for everyone. I've had more than a few people balk at my admission that I sought the services of a therapist. I've had even more balk at the fact that I went through a religiously based charitable organization. For a long time, I didn't think it was for me. But with enough sleepless nights, and Lily Allen lyrics posted on facebook....a girl will try anything. I tried therapy. I LOVED therapy. My counselor was still in school (part of going through a charitable organization usually means reduced or subsidized prices , PhD students trying to earn hours, and pro bono counselors.) However, she was young, and fresh, and eager, which was exactly what I needed. I went through the aforementioned Catholic Charities, who employs United Way to assist in the counseling department (just in case some of you are shying away from the charity on its basis of faith). The whole experience was, for me, very liberating. I sat down in her office the first time and just talked, and talked, and talked, with some minimal directive prodding on her part. I remember a couple months in, my Mom asking me if I felt better, or felt like it was helping to get the perspective of an outsider. I did feel that way...but I also felt like there was something else building up. I couldn't put my finger on it...it was like being in a maze and I was so close to reaching the end, but I just couldn't see it, yet.
When, finally, one day it just happened. I had been tugging at the same weed for almost 2 years...and suddenly there it was, roots and all. The force of pulling it up pretty much knocked me over. That is to say, I had a cliche breakdown in my counselors little office, complete with tears, Kleenex, andRobin Williams telling me it wasn't my fault. Saved by the bells of an Epiphany! It wasn't the one thing I needed to heal...but it was the one thing I needed to start the process. I gained an understanding of myself, and, really, that's what I was looking for more than anything else. I felt empowered and enlightened. I finally felt like I was allowed to live my life according to my standards and no one else's. The most essential judgment that mattered, was my own! That may be obvious to some of you, but my feeble little soul needed a heavy handed reminder. It was such a huge moment for me in 2011, that I almost wonder if it shouldn't be kicked to #1....but, no. There are more important ones to come :-)
Moreover, what therapy taught me, was the importance in seeking help if you've been in a traumatic situation of any kind! Maybe you don't want to visit your local Dr. Examinatoroftheheadandheart, but ignoring, or burying the bad things that have happened, or that you've witnessed in your life, will only cause a deeper manifestation of your fears and pain. So--especially to victims of domestic abuse: physical, emotional, what have you: Don't wait!! Get out, and get help. You'll never regret that you did!!
Here are some really stellar sources to start with:
http://www.ncadv.org/
http://www.loveisrespect.org/is-this-abuse/types-of-abuse/what-is-emotional-verbal-abuse?gclid=CJqe1Yek7qwCFcPv7QodFy11gA
http://www.thehotline.org/
Because in all seriousness, Robin Williams was right....it really ISN'T your fault.
Man, that really got your Christmas spirit on, right!? Maybe this will instead:
In 2010, my seams came apart. That's a metaphor, meanies. I did gain weight in 2010, but none of my clothes actually ripped as a result (thankfully). So if 2010 was my undoing, or the residual effects of it at least (2009 wasn't pretty, either. In fact, 2006-2010 were pretty rough, it's safe to assume), 2011 was time to sew it up, not screw it up. I made a promise, for my own personal health, as well as the health of my family and friends, to un-zombify myself. I mean, I do love zombies, of all kinds. But--I was tired of feeling like one. I had too long allowed the past and my perception of it to navigate my feelings and emotions. I was tired of telling the same story to the same people. I was tired of carrying around my insecurities and anger and resentment. I wanted to air out the dirty laundry, but then I wanted to wash it and start wearing it again! I look good in trust and compassion and hope and optimism....but I hadn't been able to really wear them for a long time. And not JUST because I gained weight. I knew I was dating the man I was meant to marry, and I had a son relying on me for guidance and to be an example of what love looks like and how to show it. I owed it to both of them to figure myself out. I owed it to myself. I made the decision that my first priority in 2011 was to get a therapist...because up and until that point, nothing, not even the love and reassurance of my friends+family (which was offered in overwhelming quantities) was really helping me cope with an intensely emotionally abusive situation I had endured for over 5 years.
Therapy isn't for everyone. I've had more than a few people balk at my admission that I sought the services of a therapist. I've had even more balk at the fact that I went through a religiously based charitable organization. For a long time, I didn't think it was for me. But with enough sleepless nights, and Lily Allen lyrics posted on facebook....a girl will try anything. I tried therapy. I LOVED therapy. My counselor was still in school (part of going through a charitable organization usually means reduced or subsidized prices , PhD students trying to earn hours, and pro bono counselors.) However, she was young, and fresh, and eager, which was exactly what I needed. I went through the aforementioned Catholic Charities, who employs United Way to assist in the counseling department (just in case some of you are shying away from the charity on its basis of faith). The whole experience was, for me, very liberating. I sat down in her office the first time and just talked, and talked, and talked, with some minimal directive prodding on her part. I remember a couple months in, my Mom asking me if I felt better, or felt like it was helping to get the perspective of an outsider. I did feel that way...but I also felt like there was something else building up. I couldn't put my finger on it...it was like being in a maze and I was so close to reaching the end, but I just couldn't see it, yet.
When, finally, one day it just happened. I had been tugging at the same weed for almost 2 years...and suddenly there it was, roots and all. The force of pulling it up pretty much knocked me over. That is to say, I had a cliche breakdown in my counselors little office, complete with tears, Kleenex, and
Moreover, what therapy taught me, was the importance in seeking help if you've been in a traumatic situation of any kind! Maybe you don't want to visit your local Dr. Examinatoroftheheadandheart, but ignoring, or burying the bad things that have happened, or that you've witnessed in your life, will only cause a deeper manifestation of your fears and pain. So--especially to victims of domestic abuse: physical, emotional, what have you: Don't wait!! Get out, and get help. You'll never regret that you did!!
Here are some really stellar sources to start with:
http://www.ncadv.org/
http://www.loveisrespect.org/is-this-abuse/types-of-abuse/what-is-emotional-verbal-abuse?gclid=CJqe1Yek7qwCFcPv7QodFy11gA
http://www.thehotline.org/
Because in all seriousness, Robin Williams was right....it really ISN'T your fault.
Man, that really got your Christmas spirit on, right!? Maybe this will instead:
 |
| Source: http://www.metzgercartoons.com/holiday-single-panels.html |
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
On the First Day of Christmas
These are such busy times, it's almost painful when I sit down to write my blog! And yet...these are such busy times, it's almost painful when I can't sit down to write my blog!! My mind is so clogged with times, gifts, dates, lists, WORK (oh woe is work....what was that onion article again??) that every time I sit down, I'm distracted by the ten other things I need to do (or feel I need to do) in that half hour. I can't stay focused on any one thing for mroe than 5 minutes (look at that. I wrote mroe. MROE! I'm leaving it. That's how busy I am. No time to go back and change, only time to use it as fodder for blogging), let alone my blog. I start to write, leave it, and then come back and think, 'oh my gosh, that is all wrong. I am so not feeling that right now.' So I delete it, and start back at point A....write a little...leave it.....delete it........rinse and repeat. It's a vicious cycle.
So, I'm cheating. I have to keep flexing my creative muscles, so I'm using this month to count down to 2012 with my top 25 moments of 2011. I'm already behind, so here's the first six!
1. December and January are a trifecta for me. Celebrated are: the birth of a relationship (M+J fo eva), the birth of my homeboy Jesus, and the birth of my other homeboy Jim! Last January, we celebrated our little cluster with a camping trip with some friends, and an ice hockey game. Only--the temperatures (for both) were freezing! We spent an entire night in the lap of Tampa Bay, with lows in the 30's, in a nylon tent (orsomethinglikethat), 2 layers of clothes, some sleeping bags, and each other. But we didn't give up! We built a fire, drank a lot, ate a lot...and even had a run-in with some raccoons. The little buggers stole our marshmellows!! And it gets better--we stole them back!!! (true story). It was just like The Great Outdoors , only John Candy was replaced with Kevin Burn; a 55 year old retired Floridian trapped in the body of a 28 year old banker. And maybe there weren't all the bears and lightning strikes...just beers and lightning hockey players. In any case, it was an immensely fun adventure to kick off our 2011!
2. Michael began his baseball career! Missing teeth and all; and he played for the CUBBIES!
3. I PAID OFF MY CAR! let me emphasize my excitement a second time. I PAID OFF MY CAR!!!!!
4. I saw these guys in concert!
And these guys!!!
And this dude
And these kids
And this gal
And these guys killed.
and it was a good year for music.
5. A sad day when we bid farewell to James and Stella
But a happy moment when we welcomed Ms. Fiona into our family!
6. We discovered a world of fun on our webcam! (and I taught Michael how to speak with a British accent).
So, I'm cheating. I have to keep flexing my creative muscles, so I'm using this month to count down to 2012 with my top 25 moments of 2011. I'm already behind, so here's the first six!
1. December and January are a trifecta for me. Celebrated are: the birth of a relationship (M+J fo eva), the birth of my homeboy Jesus, and the birth of my other homeboy Jim! Last January, we celebrated our little cluster with a camping trip with some friends, and an ice hockey game. Only--the temperatures (for both) were freezing! We spent an entire night in the lap of Tampa Bay, with lows in the 30's, in a nylon tent (orsomethinglikethat), 2 layers of clothes, some sleeping bags, and each other. But we didn't give up! We built a fire, drank a lot, ate a lot...and even had a run-in with some raccoons. The little buggers stole our marshmellows!! And it gets better--we stole them back!!! (true story). It was just like The Great Outdoors , only John Candy was replaced with Kevin Burn; a 55 year old retired Floridian trapped in the body of a 28 year old banker. And maybe there weren't all the bears and lightning strikes...just beers and lightning hockey players. In any case, it was an immensely fun adventure to kick off our 2011!
 |
| Jim, Mo, and layers for a Florida cold wave. |
 |
| our partners in crime, shivering and pretending not to hate us for inviting them camping in January! |
 |
| will break the curse in 2027 |
4. I saw these guys in concert!
And these guys!!!
And this dude
And these kids
And this gal
And these guys killed.
and it was a good year for music.
5. A sad day when we bid farewell to James and Stella
 |
| Brothers don't shake hands. Brothers hug! |
 |
| anyone for a game of quiddich? |
But a happy moment when we welcomed Ms. Fiona into our family!
 |
| This isn't the thread count I'm accustomed to. |
 |
| You look bloody fanTAStic! |
Haven't had enough!? More tomorrow :)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)