Appearing Thoughts

My brain is clogged.  I just need to pull the drain and regroup, ifyouplease.  Happy Friday!

If my siblings and I were a techno band our names would be: Mike-Noe, Meg-Koe, Mo-Moe, Jim-Toe.  We would be called the Lau-Loes. 

I lead two lives.  Not like duplicity, but more like....felicity.  I have to do it to survive.  (if you 'time share' you may understand.)

Why do people "like" politics?  Seriously?  What is the appeal there??  I am a conscientious citizen, and lively debate is certainly needed...but the overwhelming and numerous facebook rants make me crazy. 

This freaks me out.  Saw this guy's work for the first time in Chicago at the Museum of Science and Industry.  Fascinating, but certainly probes my 'ethical lobe'. 

One of Michael's friends is regularly using the word 'hot' to describe little girls (and not so little girls).  My first reaction was to get angry...my second was to feel flooding relief that Michael knew and acknowledged right away that this was an 'inappropriate word' for a 7 year old to use.  In context, this word can be funny/complimentary.  I tell my friends they look 'hot' all the time.  Jim and I may tease each other with its use (in private).  More often than not, though, I prefer to know Jim finds me beautiful, rather than just HOT.  I can't shelter Michael from the world, and this I know...but I can at least equip him for it, guide him on how to be kind, respectful, and a GENTLEMAN! 

I miss my sister.  it really bites that she lives so far away.  that guy Liam, too. 

I think Jimmy's so funny.  I love it when he makes other people laugh.  I get very smug.  I really hope it's not obvious. 

I miss Regina!  I hope she's somewhere in the world (probably Boston) patiently listening to a lost soul....and I hope hers is whole and in tact. 

I think people give Mormons a bad rap.  It's undeserved.  Live and let live. 

I love me some FRO YO, YO!! 

and some Frodo, yo. 

I turn 28 in one week and two days.  Aging doesn't scare me....ending does. 

But...life is life.  On that note, I'll wrap it up with Noah and the Whale.


Happy Friday, my friends...even you, Friend-foe. 

Birthdays, Bowls, and Bro's

 The Superbowl is on my birthday this year (NOT the other way around). This happened about 6 years ago, and it was not fun....at all.  You may think merging a Superbowl party with a birthday party sounds like LOADS of fun...but when you don't give a lick about pro football (or any other kind, really)....even the way-too-expensive commercials aren't really a band aid for being upstaged by Bill Bellagio (closeenough) and co.  Feeling sorely disappointed, I prepared myself for another birthday eclipsed by talking babies and Janet Jackson's Tom Brady's pecks....I was resigned to blow out the candles on my football shaped cookie cake alone, while everyone else was screaming at the TV and devouring pigs-n-a-blanket.  In my head, it's very dramatic and pensive.  A lot of brooding and sighs going on.   

Then--I remembered!  I'm marrying a REALLY NICE GUY!  So I asked him if we could make Superbowl Sunday, SuperBIRTHDAY SUNDAY!  He said yes :-)  I double checked with the Michael-boy (the only Pats fan in our house, I guess) who explained that all he knew about football is that there are 5 yard penalties and that a touchdown was when you ran to the other side of the stadium to score a home run (sounds about right to me).  He said he wouldn't mind a BIT if we skipped it.  So I'll be cheering with my favorite guys at the new attraction Disney is offering.  Hoping to see some good ones.  Grow, boys, grow! 

In the mean time....I'll leave you with a song.  Dedicated to my big bro; he's my musicmuse...and my good buddy, too :).  Take it away....

Dancing Queen

I can't pick a wedding song, and it's driving me crazy.  I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place.....no; literally; I'm caught between the edgier, rock n roll-esque songs of my past from DMB, Coldplay, Sister Hazel, David Gray (it's in the ear of the belistener, and I think he rocks), and the the droopy, dreamy, liquid melodies that flow forth from the likes of Josh Radin, City and Colour, Bon Iver, and Greg Laswell which have been streaming through my ear buds as of late.  That's not to even mention the moss on the rock like the Jack Johnsons and Norah Joneses.

Before you go all accusatory and ask if I'm involving Jim in this decision...let me add a disclaimer.  Our DJ prefers we have two songs; our first dance, and then a sort of finale song to make sure everyone knows the night is over (I tried to explain that about the time my Mom and Aunties tried to karaoke, there would be no doubt the night was over, but I think he thought I was kidding.  He'll see.)  With that in mind, and both being music lovers, we compromised!  Jim picked the last, and I picked the first.  Or..er....I was supposed to.  Hence, my predicament.  My guy wasted no time choosing his song (sorry, no spoilers here.)...but I am just jammed up.  No pun intended.  I started compiling a youtube playlist early on, and at 99 songs, decided I was officially in trouble.  So I did some serious slicing and got it narrowed down to...ahem...75 songs.  Then Jim had this brilliant idea that we'd have a dance!!  He'd make dinner, I'd wear a dress...maybe there would be a paper mache disco involved, I don't know.  Then we'd play that playlist and dance to each song until we'd found THE ONE.  (I put less effort into finding my wedding dress by the way.)  Have you ever tried to have a private homecoming in your living room??  It sounds totally romantic....until the 5th song in...when it starts to feel like 7th grade....and you realize you'd SO much rather be finishing the episodes of Dexter you missed while snuggled on the couch together. 

Sigh.  So here I am.  I still have plenty of time...but that's the crux of my issue; time!  I have way too much of it, and there are just way too many 'first song worthy' artists, tunes, and bands out there!  And for all my nostalgia and sentimentality (and I know there's a lot), I just can't seem to pin down the ONE which captures Jim and me.  They all make me think of him--even the ones that make me think of someone else, make me ultimately think...of just him. 

And then I thought; Queen!  We'll totally do Bohemian Rhapsody.  I already know all the words (thank you summer of 2001)...if we lip synced and did a dance...how hilarious would that be!?  Judging by Jim's enthusiasm...not very.    So a choreographed surprise youtube sensation also doesn't look likely to be in our future.  (Or at least Jim's.  You just never know what to expect from me *wink *wink!!!) 


I guess the only thing left...we'll just have to write our own song!  Adam Sandler did it, right? 

Or maybe Michael will just rick roll the lot of you halfway through the dance. 

In the mean time....I'll just have to wait for a sign....from the Big Guy.  ;-)

This is the day...

That I conclude blogging for 2011!!  (Sssshh, even though it's 2012.  don't say anything, maybe no one will notice).  I wanted to finish strong, but my dismount needs some work.  And by that I mean empty promises and failure to meet deadlines.  At least I now know; I'll never be a journalist!   Well...at least because of the "failure to meet deadlines" part.

That's all attention that will be paid to my gaffe, so now onto my unfinished list!

22. Cousin bonding!!

23.  my sweet Goddaughter with my sweet fiance!

 

24.  a magical moment with Michael....who sparks 90% of the inspiration I have....

   25.  Finally!!  My favorite moment of 2011....It can be no surprise....getting engaged :-)  But it was so much more than just accepting a ring, or even a husband.  It was, for me, overcoming a fear.  You see, the truth of the matter is...Jim had to propose to me a few times before I finally said yes.  Three to be exact.  I think I've pretty well covered my emotional wounds and subsequent scars.  True to form, the scars were making my heart a pretty tough muscle to crack.  

The first time he proposed was in a text message.  (It's a good thing I didn't say yes to that one.  I don't know how I would tell that story to our grandchildren).  Jim is my best friend.  He was my best friend before he became anything else, and continued to be so after.  I confided in him about so many things, and one day I was bemoaning some part of my life...surely relating to single motherhood...the financial strain, the emotional stress, the exhaustion.  And he just said it (texted it).  "Let's get married."  I laughed!  Well, I LOLed.  And then, surprising himself even, I think, he became indignant.  He wanted to know why I thought that was funny.  Hadn't it ever crossed my mind??  Did I not see him like that, could I not see this going that way?  (By now we were talking on the phone, because I could hardly believe he wasn't pulling my leg.  Virtually speaking).  I was totally honest.  I told him that I loved him, fiercely, but that I wasn't ready for that.  I had a little boy depending on me, I was still finding my feet in a new job, new place, new city.  Michael would be starting Kindergarten soon.  I left out that I was still hurting, scared, scarred.  After all, I had been engaged once before.  It just wasn't right.  So, he dropped it and then we both brushed the remaining awkwardness under the rug by joking about it (in true M&J form).  

A few months went by...and he did it again! :-)  That persistent guy.  This time we were doing laundry.  We had moved past the best friends stage at this point.  I knew we were teetering on the edge of something big...I just hadn't worked up the courage to yet jump in.  But there we were--doing my laundry (I know...I tell this story now and feel like a big idiot--here's this guy helping me do my laundry and I'm so surprised when he suggests marriage).  Anyway.  Where was I?  Oh yes.  Fabric softener.  So there we are, elbow deep in lint traps and socks...and he just blurts it out, once again, I think, surprising himself.  "We should just get married."  And again, I break into nervous laughter.  He laughs, too and asks me "What!?  Seriously...why is it so funny I want to marry you?"  I was speechless.  This time I couldn't escape those green and gold eyes.  He was not kidding...I didn't think.  But he looked like this was totally off the top of his head, so I wasn't sure.  I took a deep breath...I told him that I wanted a future with him.  I knew I did.  But I wasn't ready to be anyone's wife.  I was scared of making the wrong choices where Michael was concerned.  I wanted to be cautious and avoid impulsive risk.  I needed to think, and pray, and talk about it...with myself, with God, maybe more with him...and with Michael.  I had never even broached the topic of 'step parents'.  We were still getting past the fact that his own parents would never live in the same house again!  Jim was gracious...but I could tell, this time, he was worried.  I knew exactly what he was thinking; she doesn't want this, what I want.  I just didn't know how to make him see that I did...I wanted it so much!!  But I feared it tremendously at the same time.  I desperately feared the possible fall out. 

The next time Jim asked me to marry him, he pulled out all the stops.  We went to 'Paris' (the Florida brand) and lunched with my parents and Michael.  And just as we were about to board a helicopter tour of France (in circle vision), Jim got down on his knee....and pulled Michael next to him.  He told us that he loved us.  He told me he wanted nothing more than to spend the rest of his life working and loving together, as husband and wife, and as a family.  He asked Michael if that would be OK, and Michael said it would with a shy smile.  He then took out a ring and asked me...for the last official time...if I would marry him.  I started crying, and said yes.  When we hugged and kissed, Jim whispered to me that he had wanted it to be perfect.  He'd just been asking the wrong person.  He understood...he knew what I needed.  I needed Michael there.  How could I ever promise myself to another man for the rest of my life with out the one who'd really started my life?  It was, by far, the most beautiful moment of 2011 for me.  

So, I'm happy to see 2012, for all the promise it holds.  I can't wait to marry my best friend.  I can't wait to solidify the family we have with Michael.  And I can't wait to see what the future has in store for us :)

Happy Birthday, my Mr.!!!  I love you so very much!  Thank you for being the most patient man I've ever met ;-)